Alien parasite claims to be fun and friendly

Alien parasite

An alien parasitic race that calls it self the “Regal” has decided to make it’s presence on earth known after decades of hiding. They claim to be harmless and even beneficial in some ways. Spokes person and host to one of the parasites, Charlie Sheen, says “We, I mean the little guys just want to have a good time that’s all. They only help us fulfill our natural desires for hookers and blow.”

Other spokesman have come forward in support of the parasites, including Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan, have also claimed that the parasites are harmless apart from the monthly pain that comes when the larvae make their way to the genitals in order to infect a new host. “Aside from that,” One host said “It’s pretty cool.”

Sheen & Lohan are set to star in an ad campaign to promote the aliens and show the world that it’s OK to be infected with a mind altering alien parasite. Other marketing ploys being used is to sell the parasites as an aphrodisiac as the parasites promise to make the host have sex with whomever infected him or her.

Analysts say the marketing strategy is so effective that they suspect all college and high school aged humans will likely be completely infected by the end of the year. Researcher Clifford Mayder said “This parasite is diabolical. Who among us hasn’t wished for some way of making the cute lab assistant who doesn’t even acknowledge your existence spend at least one night of passion with me, I mean them.”

Some say it is already too late for the human race, that we as a species long to be told what to do and be mindless drones to some other overlord or higher power. Analyst Steve Britman put it best when he said “I’m sure there is a large segment of the population that will run out and get the parasite as soon as they hear about it. A large segment of the population wants to be told what to do regardless of reality. You only have to look at Fox News ratings to see that.”

This article brought to you by the Regal parasite, make all your dreams come true at the minor expense of giving up any semblance of free will. The Regal parasite, coming soon whether you want it or not.

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