Florida Gubernatorial candidate Rick Scott revealed his vision for the future of Florida and it includes a comprehensive zombie apocalypse plan. Along with promises to lower taxes and downsize government employees Scott revealed what has quickly become a controversial plan for state funded zombie emergency shelters. The controversy surrounds the amount of money to be spent and the distribution of resources.
“It looks as though he wants to sacrifice the poor to the zombies.” said Kent Deleon of Protect Everyone from Zombies (PEZ), one of the more vocal opponents of the plan. He went on to say, “This plan sets up bunkers with tons of supplies for the more affluent parts of Florida while the poor are being sent to malls and school gymnasiums with little or no supplies. How do they expect the poor to come out of the zombie apocalypse without any guns or adequate stores of food?”
Spokesman Randy Grafton of the Rick Scott campaign denies allegations of favoring the rich in a prepared statement to the press. “There is no way you can say this plan is unfair. Every shelter will be paid for by the property taxes of a given area so obviously the people who pay more taxes will have a few extra bells and whistles. As for the distribution and availability of firearms, our analysts have indicated giving the poor guns when the zombie hoards come is just plain irresponsible.”
When asked about the amount of money that would be deferred from education to fund the plan Grafton said “Does anyone really think kids are learning anything in Florida schools?”
The Sink campaign refused to comment on the plan instead releasing a statement saying “Alex Sink does not feel a need to address the ridiculous zombie plan Rick Scott has announced. We feel the media focus should be directed at the amount of Floridians Rick Scott wants to add to our unemployment numbers. Firing state employees during a recession is just irresponsible and I fail to see how putting more Floridians out of work will somehow create jobs.”
No party affiliation candidate Michael Arth released a comment on the zombie issue “I find it grossly inhumane and borderline racist to leave inadequate protections to poor minority neighborhoods in Florida while the affluent areas are in state of the art bunkers. If I’m elected governor I promise that the state will have a fair zombie apocalypse plan that will protect all Floridians form the hoards of the undead. I promise that if elected you will live in the state with the lowest incident of zombie attacks.”
So far Florida is the only state that has raised the issue of zombie protection in any of its political races. However some analysts feel that this will lead to other supernatural threats being addressed by candidates across the country and in fact there are already rumors that Joe Miller is devising a plan to earmark funding for a vampire defense plan for the more isolated parts of Alaska.
I want to be the head of the PEZ committee. :D