Survey shows 42% of aliens favor invasion of the Earth

Pictured: Alcore Banviel says “humans will kill themselves Why should we interfere?”

A new survey of intelligent extraterrestrial life forms, taken by NASA, has revealed a growing opinion that the Earth should be preemptively invaded. A deeper look at the survey reveals opinions vary as to why Earth should be invaded ranging from saving humans from themselves to preemptive self defense. The survey, taken in secret every ten years, has never been made public before but we were able to obtain this one thanks to a NASA employee who leaked it on the condition that we not release her identity. The Ohio NASA employee, who’s initials are E.M. and goes by the name Liz said “Please keep my information secret, I don’t want to lose my job.”

A spokesman for Save the Humans, Reglar Chtarel said “It’s not that we really want the planet, I mean come on, look at the crap you guys have done with it, we just feel at this stage invasion may be the only hope for humans.” The Save the Humans campaign has been actively trying to keep humanity from destroying itself for decades by financing movies with environmentally friendly messages like the films “Wall-E” and “Fern Gully”.

The other segment of the pro invasion movement comes from aliens who have looked at the history of our planet and feel that the Earth should be invaded in order to keep humans from gaining the knowledge to attack other cultures in the universe. Mulkar Minovula ambassador to Earth said “There is a segment among the advanced civilizations of the universe who feel that humans are just too violent to be good responsible neighbors. That said, I think there is time to turn that perception around. The issue still hasn’t been discussed by the United Universe security counsel, but it’s only a matter of time before it comes up.”

United Universe peace keeping ship that could be used if invasion is ever approved.

The anonymous NASA employee and Cleveland native who enjoys birding said “The fact that the alien communities are so divided in their reasons for favoring invasion may give a false sense of security. When you look at the other 53% you find that they are less evenly divided with a majority thinking we will just grow out of it or destroy ourselves and a much scarier and vocal minority that think invasion is too much trouble and we should just be exterminated. So if you add the ones who favor extermination to those who favor invasion, you get the sense that we need to do something about it really soon.”

In the end the survey really shows that we have a limited amount of time left to show that we can both take care of our planet and be good responsible neighbors. Not changing could lead to dire consequences for the human race, though some of the more militant among us could just use this as an excuse to unite against the alien hordes.