GOOD GOD SOMEBODY HELP ME

Oh thank God, I have hacked into the database by using flasm to decompile the bytecode and converted the foo.flm into a suitable xml file that allowed me to interact with the HTML and register as an admin. Holy horse tits you guys have GOT to help me! I am being imprisoned by Sam T, ebolaworld, and am being forced to do sexual things with him and his pet cat every night! SOMEONE PLEASE HELP! I don’t have much time to explain, he is almost back from his trip to the hardware store. I made this laptop from two years of trash that has been thrown into the basement that he keeps me in. I had to chop off my hand in order to run the laptop on a tiny, blood generator I created. As you probably realize, it doesn’t have that good of a battery life.

You see, it all started two years ago when I was working for my school as a delivery man. I had the dream life baby! Every day the principle, THE PRINCIPLE!!!, would ask me to get her lunch. Oh, how I DREAMED of getting the principle lunch! You don’t know how amazing it was to feel her smooth, tender buns against my hands. Everyday I would think about her short, sexy, wrinkles sliding against my tongue ohhh god yes.

Every day I would order the same thing. I would get a quarter pounder with everything on it, a McDonalds Coffee, and four napkins. I folded them carefully and placed them in the bottom of a paper bag exactly 3 millimeters apart from each other. Then I would set the burger ontop of them, in order to keep them warm. I know how much she loved her napkins warm. I would then drive twenty miles to school and hand the principle the bag, touching her succulent, tender meat in the process. This is what drove me mad. I coulnd’t stand it anymore. I had to have her.

One cold summer morning, when all was quiet, I decided to carry out my plans. I went about my normal schedule and handed her the paper bag. This time, however, I did not bring the principle the coffee. She asked where it was. I told her that I left it in my car, and asked her to come with me because I wanted to show her something. She politely followed with gentle steps out to my car. I unlocked my trunk and opened it, then looked around. There was no one around but me and her. We were alone. I looked at her and smiled. She smiled back. I pointed my gun at her and pulled the trigger. I watched the blood stream through the air and split into tiny droplets that splashed against the hard ground below. I put her in the trunk, got in my car, and sped off into the unkown.

I finally did it. She was mine. That bitch would no longer be eating anything, ever again. AHAHAH!!! After hours of driving, I pulled off on the side of a foggy road and opened my trunk. I looked at her, so plump and warm inside of my trunk. She was so soft and tender, just waiting to be eaten. I craved to eat her for so long, and now I would finally have my wish. I grabbed her tight in my hands and rubbed her buns against my skin. Her greasy surface slid down my throat as I took a bite. She was mine… the cheeseburger was finally mine. AND GOD WAS IT DELICIOUS!

So yeah you might call me crazy or something for killing the principle just to eat her cheeseburger, which I like to call her in case you havent noticed, but it was fucking worth it. So there I was standing on the side of the road with no where to go. I had to abandon the car. It was evidence. I walked down the road and decided to hitchhike. About six hours later, miles down the road, a small, grey van approached me and answered my calling. I thanked the man and hoped on board. Inside the van was a man. He had short, blonde hair with a soft white complexion in his face. He turned around, smiled, and launched at me with his needle.

I woke up in this basement hours later, and realized that the kidnapper was none other than ebolaworld and.. oh my god. OH MY GOD I CAN HEAR HIM COMING! PLEASE, SOMEONE HELP ME I DONT LIKE IT HERE! OH GOD!! SEND HELP!! AHHH!!

I’m so hungry…