Mapping the Network

Now a days, it’s a very daunting task to make yourself standout in the crowd of podcasters, youtubers, bloggers, and other social pariahs prancing around in front of their computers. Social and bookmarking networks have sprung up like a mold on the internet that soaks up people’s time. They have answered the call of the somewhat competent PC pioneers, and have given them a forum to voice and market themselves. Here is a (not so) comprehensive guide, so you too can join the ranks of the elite.

Twitter- This is a site where you can “mini-blog” about what your doing with up-to-the-moment updates! Your objective is to market yourself and peek interest in your specialties. However, many use this as an instrument of bullshit. “Tweeters”, often send updates about their meaningless activities to the entire twelve followers you have acquired, that only pretend to be interested in your life. As one of these followers, the challenge is to wade through the muck of things to find something interesting. Once the follower finds that interesting post, the reward is wonderful! Not only do they get a tidbit of info that satiates your thirst for trivialities, but it feels great as a days of hard, honest work would.

Facebook- While you can post status updates, much like Twitter, you can do oh so much more with this overnight sensation. As those who “like” your page, see these updates in their news feed, they become curious and visit said page. Like a tourist trap, your page pulls them in. Various links, pictures, videos, and discussions are scattered all over the page, hopefully keeping these visitors away from their lives and infatuated with yours.

Delicious- Deli. Ci. Ous. As Yahoo likes to deem their company, is a bookmarking site. In other words, faceless shmucks get to throw links out into the wild yonder of the internet, hoping other will approve of their tastes. You may use this to your advantage by throwing your own links out like someone throwing a frisbee into the middle of a pack of a hundred million dogs.

StumbleUpon- Much like Delicious, you can randomly share links with strangers, hoping they stumble upon it and fall face first into your site. As it’s not a Yahoo company, it’s ran slightly better with a customizable profile so everyone knows what kind of person you are to not have a life.

LinkedIn- This is like a giant online convention for people who want to share their specific skill sets with other people looking for those particular skills. Unfortunately, finding a job on this site is as effective as spitting on the person interviewing you for your management position at Burger King. The chances of getting hired are about the same being interviewed by the one person who likes having saliva on their face. So, in the end, it’s a glorified fellowship of people who wish there were enough jobs for them to use their talents.

Digg- Yet another linking site! This might be the most user friendly of them all. Just submit a link and share. It’s as simple as simple and shallow as your life. DIGG IT!

Reddit- Yet again… a linking site. In my sorrowful experience in networking, this has been the most effective. To be honest, I don’t understand how the site works past submitting a link, choosing a category(?) for the link and verifying that your not some spamming robot of destruction.

Formspring- This one is actually kind of fun… until someone think their cool and asks “Are you gay?”. Basically, people follow you here, watching for your answers to various questions that other followers ask. You can get some interesting questions that are fun, but then again, there are those who ask about the size of your penis. Of course, you can always ask some girl what her cup size is, too!